In my case though, the boot was actually more like the ripping off of a band aid. I thought I needed my job, but it was really just keeping me from truly pursuing my calling. The very next day, I went to visit my friend, and her dad reminded me that as far as careers are concerned, I have been wasting my life for more than a year. Why would I slave away, breaking my back, when I’m paying off a B.A.? Why then do I even have one, just to make my life more stressful? NO. Prolonging my ascension into what I now realize is meaningful adulthood and gambling my financial future came with the promise of a rewarding career in something. For me this something is teaching.

Thank you former employers, thank you for employing me as long as you did in this frightful economy, I understand why you had to let me go. I also realize that if I hadn’t been laid of on December 15th, 2009, two days before the holiday craziness would begin to wreak increased havoc on my sense of self-worth, and eleven days after I took the CBEST,  I wouldn’t have been able to get everything I needed together to start school today. As of today, I am now pursuing the greatest career of my life. It’s exciting, and I’m tired. I think I’ve written enough poor paragraph structure for one night. I’m going to bed before I watch The Accidental Husband, twice.

Flashback with me a few years if you will to a train pulling a load of tourists up a mountain somwhere in India to a beautiful place where tea grows. I’m sitting across from a nice looking Indian family. They’re from New Delhi, and they’re asking me one of the top five questions I’ve been asked since I stepped off a plane in Chennai: “What are you? Are you Christian?” I ‘ve had some time to adjust to cultural differences that allow for such a question to be posed, and I’ve gotten sick of arguing my non-religious agnostic stance with people  only to have them look at my like I’m, well, a heathen, Godless, very strange in this society many faiths. So, I let the woman who was spoksperson on her family’s behalf, give me the right answer. “Well, you come from a Christian country. Were you raised Christian?”…”Then you’re Christian.” I was actually relieved. I had gained acceptance, simply by admitting my tie to God. I was smiling, happy. From here on I would state my alliance to antone who asked, even though I carried about, visiting shringes, participating in various rituals, talking about the afterlife and meditating with hospitable shaolin monk refugees. I would further defend ‘faith’ to my athiest friends, be kissed by a yogi who would affirm I was christian, and ask if one could still spend time at her ashram if the were indeed christian.

Of course, this was years ago, time enough for this moment of enlightenment to get a little buried. But the seed was planted.

My blog has been viewed by someone else besides me! I don’t know who you are. You’re probably my boyfriend Aaron, the only person I told I was blogging again. It it was viewed three times! Maybe people were looking up tuna and white sauce recipes (Do you know why I misspelled the word recipe for the last time when I was eighteen? I wrote “recipies” on a Christmas present. So I was never a strong speller, I was always good at math and reading though! Two out of three ain’t bad!) BTW I totally forgot in a mindnutrientstarvedhaze that my Grandma used to fix tuna cassarrole for me almost every time I went to visit her. How heartless was that!

Now I’m going to tell you about the CBEST. I don’t know. Pray… PLEASE. I’m only second-guessing myself because I thought I was prepared, had studied and read at least half of the pages and pages of instructions they post and send online and had brought to class all the required materials, only to find out that I had prepared for a test I was not taking that day. The test I had prepared for didn’t have 50 (!!!*#%&!) reading comprehension questions for me to answer as my sleep deprived eyes were now popping wide open and my mind was trying to burn off the coastal fog in a wildfire of panic. (Insert prayer at this moment) Get back fog! Back, Back, BAck!! My head was filled with smoke by the time I got to the math section, but at least I brought some water and at least it turned out I had studied a lot harder for this portion of the test than I needed to. Finally I ended the test with two writing essays. I had intended to check if my WEPT exam would count for this portion of the test, but I decided to just go ahead and do this part too, just in case. I just really hope this all turns out well. I’m also thankful that I brought three pencils, because two of them broke…Funny.

I got a craving for something I haven’t had in a very long time after seeing a pack of linguini: Tuna Alfredo, or simply, tuna, white sauce and pasta. So I made it for myself. I don’t think I’ve actually ever made it, but I remember the first time it was made for me. I didn’t know one could do that with tuna! I had only ever had tuna in sandwiches and salads. I was amazed, and it was really good! I later told my friends about it, and they could not believe I was hyped over this dish, which to them was nothing. Oh well. I loved it then, I love it now, I’ll always love it. Thanks to the person who showed me how to make it! Thanks for all of the times this was made for me and our friends! I even got chipotle tabasco sauce to go with it! I had no idea it was so easy to make. In case you’re reading, here’s the mystery dispelled:

Start boiling water for the pasta and in another pan melt butter with chopped garlic. when the butter melts add a couple tablespoons of flour, and mix it into a paste. add milk while stirring constantly to blend it all together smoothly and without lumps. keep adding milk until the mixture is a little runnier than a sauce. Add a can of tuna and keep stirring, the mixture should start to thicken. add salt and pepper to taste, and by now you should have added pasta to your boiling water, and that should be pretty much done as well, so that’s it! Drain the pasta, add the sauce and you’re done!

Bon Apetite bells and bows!

Lately I’ve been reviewing all of my old posts, and editing some of them. Nothing major. I honestly thought there would be more things I’d want to change, but there aren’t.

Here are some more details about my life and the things I’m thankful for:

I’m much closer to my Dad than I have ever been. It’s been a bumpy road at times, for the both of us. But we’ve processed a lot of our frustrations, and have exercised a lot of forgiveness. I totally cherish my father. The best thing about thanksgiving was when I acted like I was going to help him off the couch and fell into his lap instead. I may be a grown woman, but he sat there holding me and it was one of the best things I’ve ever experienced. I love you, Dad.

Anyhow, my life…Where to start.

Well I just found out that my Dad doesn’t have angina! He just finished the test and he is still groggy, but he just texted me so I called. I can’t even begin to illustrate with words how overwhelmingly relieved I am, but I’ll tell you that I’m crying.

I’m saved. For those of you who knew me before…these words…well it may not make sense, but it’s the truth and it’s totally changed my life. I want to tell you how I came to this.

But now I have to go…

My heart feels so light right now.

It was so boring before. I guess I should start with a dream I had several years ago. I won’t go on about the details of the dream, but needless to say I still remember it. In this dream I had a symbol on my left shoulder. That is the symbol the dragon is swimming around. (12/01/09: I really wanted the dragon because I think it symbolizes my experiences in Japan,  a friend of mine was also getting a similar tattoo at the same time, we went to a place that is known for it’s dragon tattoos, and I was still into some of my former beliefs — even after the conviction and the testimony I described to several of my friends at the time) The other symbol is the Kanji for ‘ai’, which means ‘love’. My calligraphy teacher painted this for me.

So I edited this post… If you don’t already know what I was thinking when I got this tattoo and you really want to, just ask me or someone who knows me.

Anyway, this is not all of them, and I still have to sort them out for you, so you which ones get me to work, which get me back home and which ones break my heart along the way.
This unfortunately, is also not comprehensive, because I dropped my iPod four feet at my Halloween party, and wiped all its data. I had back-ups of the party mix, and many of my favorite albums and songs, but not everything. I’m kind of angry about it. It was in a case when it dropped. I would consider the idea that someone had messed with it, if it didn’t continue to malfunction. Anyway, it led me to make the decision to not by music from itunes unless I can’t find the music anywhere else. One good reason for this decision is that they promote really crappy artists. Another is that I won’t be able to share some of my favorite songs with you because I bought them on iTunes, and they limit the sharing of their files (so what happens if I get a new computer?).
It’s late, I’ll write more about this project later.